PureLoveClue: Chastity Q&A

I came across this website PURE Love CLUB by accident. To be honest, I only paid attention to the pop up window because I was amused by the name... forgive me, but for some reason pure love club sounds really cheesy. Thinking that the site might be a satire on a la aunt agony columns, I read on for comic relief. I did get a dose of humour reading the Q rave about her 'perfect' man, but had least expected to be impressed by the simple, concise and relevant response to a prevalent basic dilemma.

It is so simple to read the Q. and raise an incredulous eyebrow at the poor girl - what is she thinking?! But, it when friends are mired in the same quandary, it is not so simple. While I am rightfully sympathetic, I also have to be objective and prod friend to confront basic truths. This article is useful for 'prodders' and 'to-be-proddeds"

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Chastity Q&A

Q. I told my boyfriend that I wanted to stop having sex until I was married, and he's made that compromise for me. At first, he got distant and then mad at me for making the decision to be abstinent because he said that we should have talked about it. We have been fighting more since we stopped having sex, but he is a nice guy, we go to church (even though he complains I mother him about that), and he really wants for us to end up together. But, I just don't know what to do here, because I definitely don't want to lose him. I don't want you to get the wrong idea about him. He really is perfect, but what should I tell him?

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A. Step number one is to ask God the same question you just asked me. Sometimes we're so busy running around and listening to music, watching the TV, talking to friends, and messing around on the computer that we never take time to sit still and pray. If we do not make time for that silence in our souls, we'll have a very difficult time hearing God speak to us. So, for starters, set a regular prayer time and stick to it. We can't expect to grow spiritually if we think that prayer times will just happen. My favorite place to pray is before the Blessed Sacrament at church. Wherever we choose to pray, we must be disciplined, and we will reap what we sow. When you begin to pray, invite the Holy Spirit to bless your prayer time. Spend some time reading the Bible, because the Lord often uses that to talk to our hearts. Also, ask our Lady to help you pray. If you do this, I know you will see where you should go with this relationship. After all, you want a guy who will lead you spiritually, not a guy who will take from you sexually everything that you are willing to give him. Your boyfriend is not doing you an immeasurable favor by not having sex with you. It is his duty as a Christian man, and you owe him nothing for doing what he ought to do. If he is trying to make you feel guilty, then he's manipulating you. Your relationship is in God's hands, and he must learn to trust the Lord instead of grabbing on to whatever he wants to make sure he gets it. God's will is our happiness, and if the Lord wants the two of you together, then waiting until you're married to live like you're married will not ruin this. If it does, then it was never meant to be. You mentioned that he got upset and said that it wasn't fair for you to just make that decision and you should have talked about it first. Well, you don't need a permission slip to care about yourself. He may be whining as you said about you mothering him, but the reason why this is happening is because he is failing to be the spiritual head in the relationship. So, someone has to wear the pants. It should be a big warning sign to you that you have argued more since you told him of your decision for purity. He should be honored, not pouty. You did what was right, and if he is mad, so be it. It is better that he be mad than you lower your standards. Women today are so timid and afraid to hurt a guy's feelings that they often end up causing themselves immeasurable harm. Listen to you heart and follow your conscience. You said that you don't want to break up with him because he is so perfect. But I ask you, is this your idea of a perfect guy? One who throws a tantrum because you won't sleep with him? One who gives you the silent treatment when you make a vow of purity? One who questions your decision to live by God's standards instead of his? Really pray about this. You want a man who will spiritually lead you, one who would set you straight if you wanted to sleep with him. Do not be afraid that love will pass you by if you leave this relationship. It just may open up the door for the kind of love you've wanted all long.