Not for Anything (pt II): Love Language

Not for anything... that seems like a romantic but obstacle-ridden, arduous endeavour. I think it pertinent to question what exactly should we attend to and how can we execute this care?

Coincidentally, my housemates today were talking and a particular phrase caught my attention “Love language”. It triggered the memory of a conversation with a little friend, who was explaining that we all have own love language – a familiar and particular way of communicating our love and receiving it.

In summary, there are 5 different ways through which we communicate our love for others and perceive love from others; 1) Words, 2) Touch, 3) Service, 4) Quality time, and 5) Gifts (simple description of terms below).

An awareness of each others love language is a move away from the abstractness of “love” and the associated emotions. It is a practical step to address the common problem of mismatched expectations or unfulfilled needs in relationships. While the concept is appears simple enough to comprehend, it is only prudent to anticipate and acknowledge sacrifices involved in realising the concept. Knowing that everyone has a unique way of wanting to be loved, and communicating their love for us, correspondingly requires the questioning/bending of our ideals on occasion – to step out of our comfort zone in communicating our care in the manner which our loved ones would like to receive it, or to learn to appreciate and accept the way we are loved by others.

On another note, if occurred to me that the concept of Love Language also encapsulates how I can take my daily walk with God. It is a succinct, palpable and efficient structure to grow and renew my little faith daily – to maintain my relationship with God. Words to and Quality time in prayer and contemplation; Service and Touch to brethren, sacrifices I can offer as Gifts to Him and others.

So, lets all be open to each other’s love language and exercise beyond mere cognition. Please remind me when I fail to attend yeah?

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Brief description of Love Language

Usually the way a person communicates love is the way that he/she perceives and prefers to receive it (eg: someone may feel loved by receiving little notes, and he/she leaves little notes for others to show love, or someone feels loved when showered with gifts, and returns the love by showering gifts to others). However, that is not a hard and fast rule, the preferred expression of love language may be dissimilar from the preferred language to be loved. To illustrate, think of our fathers who hail from a more traditional era. They convey their love by service of provision but would appreciate receiving love from us through quality time spent with them or touch/words to express our gratefulness, instead of a reciprocal provision of service.

Words: communicating through Words in speech, or writing. Eg: communicating/feeling loved by little notes of affection or hearing words of affection.

Touch: physical affection

Service: performing services for loved ones, eg: doing housework, being the breadwinner, running errands. Having help for daily needs.

Quality time: time put aside especially for the other for bonding (not as simple as merely watching a movie, which can be a rather individualistic activity)

Gifts: giving things or making things for others. Receiving presents.