A Grief Observed

I picked up a thin, clothe bound, tattered little book that looked so incongruent amongst the thick shiny new textbooks belonging to my housemates, currently studying a course on counseling. The title of the book had long worn away. From the remaining slivers of silver dancing on a burgundy red spine, a faint “LEWIS” appeared. Could it be C.S Lewis? Intrigued, I flipped to the first page… and I suddenly found myself seated down, facing a man telling me his experience of his grief of loss…

No one told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing.

At other times it feels like being mildly drunk, or concussed. There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me. I find it hard to take in what anyone says. Or perhaps, hard to want to take it in. It is so uninteresting. Yet I want others to be about me. I dread the moments when the house is empty. If only they would talk to one another and not to me.

There are moments, most unexpectedly, when something inside me tries to assure me that I don’t really mind so much, not so very much, after all. Love is not the whole of a man’s life. I was happy before I ever met H. I’ve plenty of what are called ‘resources’. People get over these things. Come, I shan’t do so badly. One is ashamed to listen to this voice but it seems for a little to be making out a good case. Then comes a sudden jab of red-hot memory and all this ‘commonsense’ vanishes like an ant in the mouth of a furnace.”

A Grief Observed
C.S. Lewis(first 3 paragraphs)


I was mesmerized by the very first paragraph - the surreal tangibility of his honesty. Lewis also describes the tussles and convictions of his faith. Profoundly moving (Go get the book!). You may also be interested in reading about his marriage (it was a marriage of convenience, but they ended up falling in love). Would be good if someone can recommend me a reliable link to the life of C.S Lewis. Thanks! :)