A place I can't avoid

This post is especially for a friend who slept with her hand over heart...

Its over. But I know you grieve.
If you must suffer, at least suffer gracefully :)

"At first I was very afraid of going places where H. and I had been happy - our favourite pub, our favourite wood. But I decided do it at once - like sending a pilot up again as soon as possible after he's had a crash. Unexpectedly, it makes no difference. Her absence is no more emphatic in those places than anywhere else. It's not local at all. I suppose that if one were forbidden all salt one wouldn't notice it much more in any one food than in another. Eating in general would be different, every day, at every meal. It is like that. The act of living is different all through. Her absence is like the sky, spread over everything.

But no, that is not quite accurate. There is no one place where her absences comes locally home to me, and it is a place I can't avoid. I mean my own body. It had such a different importance while it was the body of H's lover. Now it's like an empty house. But don't let me deceive myself. This body would become important to me again and pretty quickly, if I thought there was anything wrong with it."

C.S Lewis
A Grief Observed