Fidelity

Co-habitation screws your mind.

For those of you who know, I moved out of the of the place I was renting because the couple I was living with was incesssantly playing war games. The air, thick with tension; reeked of hurt, betrayal and guilt. One minute I can hear them quarrelling and crying, the next, they are making out in the shower (the shower is a mere wall partition away from my humble mattress).

I finally threw in the towel. Enough. I need to make sense of my environment and I need Sleep!

Shortly after I moved out, the guy followed suit, but subsequently returned. A few weeks later, I met up the girl for a little coffee. This is the truncated version of the conversation that ensued...
me: Hey, he told me that he moved back in and you are both back together.
me: That means you are still getting married right? Congratulations!
girl: (looks blank) .. yeah...
me: er..Are you sure you want to marry him?
girl: Yes I want to marry him now,...
me: now?
girl: but I can't promise that I want to be married to him 20-30 years time.
me: huh? To be married is to be committed to him for life. Do you want to commit to that?
girl: yes, I do. Now. But maybe not in twenty years. That I cannot promise… I cannot promise that I will stay faithful.
me: what do you mean you cannot promise? A promise means that you hold to a commitment… that you will try no matter what happens; that you will not commit adultery;… it is a commitment to make the right choice everytime you are faced with temptation.
girl: I can see myself with him now. But I can’t see myself with him maybe in 20 years? I may be attracted to someone else, I cannot control that. I fear I won't be living the life that God promised.

I was whacked with a massive overdose of incredulity... in other words, in Singaporean speak, "WAH RAU!" exploded in my head, deafening my senses and rendering me speechless. I could not believe my ears...

God did not promise a road paved with roses, and certainly I think He would root for the santity of the lived Holy Matrimony. What about God's faithfulness to us despite out many transgressions?

In most cases, co-habitation is an arrangement of convenience and instant gratification, not of love that will be riddled with obstacles. The 'test drive' mentality of co-habitation promotes extreme self-interest and removes the impetus to have the courage to sacrifice or perservere for the sake of the symbiotic relationship.

I am uncertain why the girl was fearful. Perhaps she may have had unpleasant experiences of non-commital persons who are significant in her life. I want to tell her there is nothing to be fearful about - at all times of temptation, you are faced with a dichotomous choice, ie whether or not to honour the commitment. Fidelity. It is as simple and as difficult as that.